January 30th, 2006

upside down giraffe

your father smelt of elderberries

for you youngsters who think dissing started with Rappers like Eminem and Insane Clown Posse ("Slim Anus? You damn right, Slim Anus. I don't get fucked in mine like you two little flaming faggots.")

if nothing else, the rap tradition of duelling rhymes goes back to the earliest days of African-American culture, with a song published in 1830 "Round the Corn, Sally", in which the enslaved female singer disses every member of a picnic party (and I spat in your sandwiches)

The Inuits used to do a similar thing - one track, recorded in 1931, had this to say: " For your daughter-in-law Teriarnaq — yonder. You conceived immoral desires. And yearned for her." (take that! They also abused the size of each others' buttocks)

let's not get carried away though, in 1782 Mozart composed a canon for six voices in B-flat major "Leck mich im Arsch", which yes, means "kiss my ass" (no word on whether it was a love song)

in 991 AD the English (Anglo-Saxons, at the time) were "flyting" the invading Vikings with such taunts as "They intend to give all of you spears as tribute, deadly points and tried swords, payment in war-gear which will be of no benefit to you in battle" (rough translation "you're all useless idiots" - and so much more poetic than a simple "fuck you") - more on the Battle of Maldon poem here

dissing was also a Norwegian tradition, since at least Viking times. This was known as nidvise (although good luck reading the results of that Google search)

an excellent Old Norse example was in "Helgakviða Hundingsbana fyrri", where we get "nine wolves you and I begot on the island of Sága; I alone was their father"

of course, the Romans were quicker to the mark, Catullus (ca. 84-54BC) had the joy of reciting "Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo", which translates to *cough* "I'll bugger you and make you suck it" (perhaps the earliest recordest instance of the threat of an atm)

but even before then, Archilochus (ca 680-645BC), considered the creator of iambic poetry, was slandering a girl named Neobule (who spurned him) and describing, in graphic detail, how he seduces her sister in revenge.. apparently these poems were so extreme that the entire family are said to have hanged themselves in disgrace

and ok, just for tatjna, water beds make for happy cows